SIR Alex Ferguson has dismissed claims Cristiano Ronaldo is heading for Real Madrid, insisting he would rather sell the winger to gypsies or travelling circus folk.
The Manchester United boss said he has spoken with the club's owners and agreed a contingency plan that would see the Portuguese superstar spend six months of the year as a trainee acrobat.
He added: "If I can't find a decent travelling circus then I am prepared to just hand him over to the gypsies.
"God only knows what they would do with him. Probably have him scrubbing down horses or collecting herbs for their magic potions.
"But that's still one billion times better than giving him to Spaniards."
The United board has already drawn up plans to protect their top stars from approaches by rival clubs.
Argentinian striker Carlos Tévez will be placed in a large net and suspended above the Old Trafford foyer, while first choice goalkeeper Edwin van der Sar will be drugged and conscripted into the French Foreign Legion.
Ferguson has also backed plans for club captain Rio Ferdinand to be leased to Arab princes and forced to do their bidding.
Ferdinand's agent said: "We still get the same money though, right?"