I’m Spanish, actually, claims Team GB horse

TEAM GB may be stripped of its silver Eventing medal after a horse broke its vow of silence.

Miners Frolic, the 14-year-old gelding ridden by Tina Cook, claims he was kept away from the press for years because of fears his broad Mediterranean neigh would betray his true nationality.

Frolic said: “For years they’ve bleached my hide a pale colour to disguise its natural olive complexion and forced me to eat pallid, flavourless British hay instead of flavoursome seafood paella.

“It’s not worth it, even for the massages and the mane braiding. Looking good is fairly irrelevant given that a British vet evacuated my ball bags years ago.

“I want to reclaim my proud cultural heritage. As long as that doesn’t include being flung off a tower, of course.”

The other horses in the team have distanced themselves from Frolic, claiming that he was actually born in Essex and started claiming he was Spanish after seeing an advert for Barcelona.

Equine colleague Imperial Cavalier described Miners Frolic as a ‘serial fantasist’ who has also previously claimed to be French, American and to have worked as a mercenary in Borneo.

Olympic officials will now examine Miners Frolic to establish whether he is actually British, putting him through a series of tests including his ability to drag a cart full of scrap metal through a council estate.

Olympic horse tester Stephen Malley said: “We’ll also need the jodhpurs Zara Phillips was wearing during the event. Because science, that’s why, don’t question me.”



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Lunar images reveal Buzz Aldrin's lost house keys

AMAZING new images of the moon’s surface have revealed Buzz Aldrin’s missing house keys.

The high-resolution photographs were taken by scientists at Arizona State University to determine whether the USA’s flags had survived harsh lunar conditions. But they also revealed a Snoopy key ring lying in the shadow of a moon rock.

Apollo 11 veteran Buzz Aldrin said: “I cannot believe my keys have turned up after all these years.

“During the mission I kept them on the outside of my suit in a kind of prototype bum bag. Because I’m the sort of astronaut that hates to lose things.

“On the day we were heading back to Earth I’d been out to get some rock samples. Shortly after blast off, I checked my bum bag and I was like ‘awww….shit…’

“I told Neil we had to go back and get my keys, otherwise I couldn’t get in my house. He reluctantly agreed but mission control were having none of it.

“When I returned to Earth I had to get a locksmith out and it cost a small fortune. I’d still like to get those keys back, there’s one for a really good bike lock on there.”

A NASA spokesman said: “A future moon mission may be able to pick up Buzz’s keys, if they get time and are in the area. But we can’t promise.

“Also apparently one of the Apollo 16 guys left his favourite hat in the moon region of Descartes Highlands. It’s not exactly a priority though.”