Man with £1 Leicester City bet reckons he’s clever

A STUPID man reckons he is some kind of god based on a frivolous bet.

Martin Bishop, 29, put £1 down on Leicester City to win the league at odds of 5000/1.

He said: “It wasn’t instinct, it was more of a calculated decision.

“It was the same kind of calculated decision that has led me to lose around £10,000 in similar novelty bets that invariably turn out to be a waste of time and money, but I had that feeling nonetheless.

“I’m not a genius by any stretch, but I am very, very smart to have done this.”

Bishop’s wife said: “He’s also put down quids on them finding the Loch Ness monster, aliens landing in Times Square and Amanda Holden giving birth to a Komodo dragon.

“Whatever happens I have a feeling we’re still going to end up living in my father’s car on a recreation ground.”

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Bristol declares crackdown on cannabis non-users

PEOPLE in Bristol who do not smoke cannabis face fines and possible imprisonment, it has emerged.

The forward-thinking South West city recently made cannabis use compulsory for all residents under 45, with penalties for anyone who does not at least have a small ‘blim’ of the drug in a bedroom drawer.

A council spokesman said: “Bristol’s culture of easygoing under-achievement is made possible by its vast appetite for cannabis, yet there is still a small but persistent element of the populace that insists on drug-free lucidity.

“They do not belong here and we will drive them out.”

Cannabis has been unofficially legal in the city since 1853 when users could send a telegram to a local dealer who would then arrive two hours later in a pony and trap, looking moody.

31-year-old Tom Booker now faces a possible £2,000 fine after a raid on his home in the Easton area of Bristol yielded no drugs.

He said: “I stopped smoking for medicinal purposes. I wanted to get my head together, feel less paranoid and experience being punctual.”