Mums want to know why you can't be more like Tom Cleverley

THAT Tom Cleverley is such a nice young man, according to your mum.

The footballer is the latest in a long line of actors, singers and fictional characters you have been unfavourably compared to, but appears to have really stuck.

Your mum said: “You don’t get picked for the Olympic team at 23 by playing silly computer games and eating crisps.

“Did you see him in that smart polo shirt he wore for the press conference? I wish you’d wear more shirts – and you should tuck them in, like that Tom Cleverley does.”

Joseph Turner, from Exeter, said: “According to my mum Tom Cleverley also takes his parents for Sunday lunch every weekend.

“I don’t understand how she knows who Tom Cleverley is.”


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Page 3 to end as Britain runs out of breasts

THE SUN is to end its topless Page 3 feature because the UK’s supply of tits has been exhausted.

Page 3 has been in the newspaper since November 1970 but the shortage has been obvious in recent months, with only one breast appearing most days in order to drag it out.

Sun editor David Dinsmore said: “Back then we thought breasts were limitless.

“But the boob war of the 1980s between the Star and the Sunday Sport meant we were using up the country’s knockers at an unsustainable rate.

“We’re alright for arse at the moment, but we do need to learn the boob lesson and treat the female buttock as a precious, finite resource.”

He added: “From now on, the only way to see breasts will be in the history books.”