AFTER yet another failed attempt to reach the quarter-finals of the Champions League, British clubs have concluded they do not exist.
The fabled league, which claims to hold a showcase final in a major European stadium every year, may have existed once but passed into legend long, long ago.
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger said: “I have mounted attempt after attempt, season after season, using only my very best men and state-of-the-art technology, and we always end at the same point.
“Chelsea claim to have been there – and even to the final, which no sane man believes in – as recently as 2012, but there are no reliable witnesses.
“Even John Terry admitted that he didn’t actually play in the final and that the pictures of him in full kit with the trophy were staged fakes.”