Rooney inspiring kids to guzzle Yum Yums and burn out at 29


WAYNE Rooney has inspired millions of young Britons to phone it in while gorging on sticky buns.

The Manchester United and England captain has been identified as the perfect role model for lazy young people who are unable resist the lure of Greggs.

Tom Booker, a data entry clerk, said: “I want people to look at me and say, ‘that Tom Booker could have been the best data entry clerk in Wiltshire, but he stopped giving a toss and now he’s only in it for the money.

“I share Wayne’s refusal to admit blatant incompetence, as well as his devotion to the Yum Yum.”

Nathan Muir, a 17 year-old from Stevenage, said: “When I leave school, I want to be a cautionary tale, just like my hero.

“I’m going to shout a lot to make it look like I’m trying really hard, but secretly I’ll be putting in the bare minimum of effort while refusing to take responsibility for my mistakes.

“It’s the English way.”