Aftershave advert inspires bold gesture that immediately backfires

A MAN has found himself unemployed after copying a character from an aftershave advert.

34-year-old office worker Stephen Malley was being grilled about sales targets when he said he ‘can’t be the person I’m expected to be any more’ and walked out.

He said: “Enough was enough. I just got up and strode out of the room.

“In the aftershave advert the walls just kind of fall away, but in real life the door was quite hard to open because I didn’t realise you had to turn the handle.

“While I was struggling with the door my boss asked if I was going to the toilet, I couldn’t think of anything to say except ‘no, and you can all fuck off’.

“I thought they might be more shocked or impressed but they all just carried on talking about what they were doing at the weekend.

“The next day I asked for my job back but they’ve already found someone else who is apparently better. Now I’m just at home watching telly and worrying.”

49-year-old Norman Steele was inspired by a perfume advert to enter a nightclub, grab a woman and drag her onto a fire escape: “I thought she would be into it but she started shouting ‘help’, then the bouncers came and beat me up quite badly.”

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Osborne ‘light years ahead of TaxPayers' Alliance on dead pensioner thing’

GEORGE Osborne has thanked the TaxPayers’ Alliance for its dead pensioners idea, but stressed he is ‘at least five moves ahead of them’.

The think tank had urged the chancellor to cut OAP benefits as soon as possible because many of the pensioners would be dead by the next election, causing Osborne to smile and nod.

The chancellor said: “It’s great to see these young guns at the TaxPayers’ Alliance trying to impress me, but we mapped out that particular concept a while back.

“We’re now much more focused on how we make them die. And the beautiful thing is that cutting their benefits is one of the ways in which you can do that.

“Welcome to the big leagues, TaxPayers’ Alliance.”

But the chancellor said the think tank did deserve ‘an extra point’ for suggesting that those OAPs who did not die would be too demented to remember which party had cut their benefits.

He added: “They’re really getting into the spirit of it. It makes one very confident about the next generation.”