The Mash guide to the FIFA presidential elections

THE race for the FIFA presidency is on, but who are the runners and riders?

Sheikh Salman bin Ebrahim al-Khalifa: Anti-corruption candidate known for his passionate hatred of football and everything associated with it.

Michel Platini: Anti-corruption candidate proving his credentials by personally fighting corruption changes, has added Les Bleus’ 20-man Euro 84-winning squad to bolster his bid, including Jean Tigana in sparkling form.

Prince Ali: Anti-corruption candidate popular with the African nations, but rumoured to be nothing more than a street thief empowered by a magic lamp he found in a cave.

Lance Armstrong: Anti-corruption candidate who has vowed that he will clean up the sport after he wins everything.

Jerome Champagne: Anti-corruption candidate best known as Morris Day’s bumbling valet in Purple Rain, hoping the voters’ reflex to tick any box marked ‘Champagne’ will propel him to victory.

Gandalf the White: Anti-corruption candidate, odds very much against.

Tokyo Sexwale:  The famous sex whale of Tokyo and the last of his kind in Japan, a lock with Asian nations but can only serve a single term before his metamorphosis begins. Pro-corruption candidate.