Two grown men unable to settle differences without punching

DAVID Haye and Tony Bellew, both fully grown adults, are unable to settle an argument about who is toughest without resorting to violence. 

Yesterday’s press conference caused widespread disappointment as the men were unable to amicably resolve their difference of opinion about who could hit the other harder.

Promoter Eddie Hearn said: “It’s sad that it has come to this.

“I for one had hoped to broker a more elegant solution, but instead it looks like they’ll be scrapping like a pair of kids in the playground.

“I don’t think anybody really wants to see David and Tony come to blows, but with a heavy heart I’ve booked the O2 Arena and sold the pay-per-view rights to Sky.”

He added: “If only they could get over their silly feud they’d realise how much they have in common, like punching people and bragging about it.

“Perhaps this fight will knock some sense into them and they’ll realise violence is wrong.”

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Addiction warnings on heroin packaging ‘the nanny state gone mad’

HEROIN users are criticising laws that the drug must be sold in plain black packaging with health warnings as the ‘nanny state gone mad’. 

All opiate packaging must now be plain with 65 per cent covered by warnings that heroin is addictive, can kill and is damaging to the health of unborn babies, which users say is intrusive.

Tom Logan of Dundee said: “It’s meant to put you off, but it’s just annoying.

“Yeah yeah, it’s addictive, yeah, here’s some picture of some strug-out skaghead, I know all that, now can I just get my smack?

“Plus you can’t buy it by the hit anymore, you have to buy half-a-gram all at once which is just punishing the casual user. It’ll have the opposite effect.

“Why can’t they trust adults to make their own choices? Bloody political correctness. I blame the EU.”

But heroin addict Wayne Hayes said: “If they’d had this packaging 20 years ago you’d be looking at a very different person right now. I only got into it for the branding.”