TICKET prices for the Champion’s League final are fresh evidence that the people who run football think the fans might be a bit thick, it emerged last night.
Uefa is charging so-called ‘neutrals’ £176 to see the Wembley finale in what experts have described as one of the finest and most beautifully crafted licences to print money they have ever seen.
Wayne Hayes, a season ticket holder from Hatfield said: “Leave it aaaht. A hundred a seventy six nicker? You must think I’m some kind of fackin’ moron. Do you take Visa Electron?”
But Uefa insisted the pricing policy is in line with absolutely everything else to do with football.
A spokesman said: “A few years ago we, along with the national football associations of Western Europe, conducted a detailed study of our customer base and were delighted to discover they were all chimpanzees.
“We couldn’t have been happier if they had given us their pin numbers.
“Naturally, at that point, we decided to just charge whatever we felt like. We are now all very, very wealthy indeed.
“And it’s not just tickets. They will pay anything for anything. This piece of scratchy, highly inflammable Taiwanese nylon is £70.
“If you want a smaller one for your child that’ll be £80. And if you want one for a baby that’ll be a £1000.”
He added: “When it comes to preying on the feeble-minded it makes Scientology look all fiddly and complicated.”