Wenger Refuses To Brand Referees A Bunch Of Man Utd Loving Bastards

ARSENAL manager Arsene Wenger last night refused to condemn referees as a collection of bastards who would do anything to help Manchester United win the league.

Wenger asks the prime minister why he hasn't killed all the referees

As his team's title hopes came to an end, Wenger remained tight-lipped on the penalty and free kick decisions made by a man who probably has Ronaldo posters on his wall and dreams of tender, post-coital snuggling with Ryan Giggs.

The Arsenal manager said: "I do not want to say anything about the way they cheat and what bastards they are.

"There is also no way I'm going to accuse them of giving away penalties like they were romantic gifts for their Old Trafford lover boys."

He added: "I would never claim that referees hold secret meetings to plot how they can thwart me, before praying to a giant, golden statue of that miserable, Glaswegian halfwit.

"Nor will I speculate that more than half of all premier league referees lie awake at night thinking about rubbing their excited hands all over Wayne Rooney's lightly oiled buttocks."

A spokesman for the Referee's Association said: "As Mr Wenger points out, all premier league referees are completely impartial and would never favour one team of towering, Cheshire-based superheroes over another consisting largely of sweaty, malodourous Frenchmen."

He added: "Do you ever just lose yourself in Rio Ferdinand's eyes?"