By Nathan Muir, England fan, amateur historian and committed xenophobe
WHAT luck! England vs Argentina in the semi-final of the World Cup, and me still not over a war between our countries that ended 44 years ago!
Yes, while others have been able to move on from a conflict which lasted for ten weeks in 1982, was decisively won by the British and brought down the Argentine military government ushering in democracy, I still bear grudges.
And this match is the ideal opportunity to air them. There’s not enough racism in football these days, I think we can all agree, so I’ll do my bit by muttering darkly about ‘the Argies’ and the terrible things they did to ‘our boys’.
Never mind that the only Falklands veteran anyone under 40 will have heard of is Prince Andrew, and his heroism is somewhat tarnished today. I believe the embers of hatred are still warm and deserve stoking.
After all, didn’t the Sun take Britain from ‘no real idea where or what Argentina is’ to gleefully shouting ‘Gotcha!’ when an Argentine cruiser was sunk killing 323 in weeks? So I’m sure I can do it in two days.
Come on, everyone! Let’s hate them! Lionel Messi? Despises Britain and pledges 100 per cent of his pay to recapturing Las Malvinas. Lionel Scaloni? Personally tortured British lads. Charly Alacaraz? Kicked a penguin.
Yes, soon young people will, when hearing me shout ‘Remember Goose Green!’ recall our finest hour rather than thinking I’ve conflated Top Gun character Goose, played by Anthony Edwards, and ER character Dr Mark Greene, played by Anthony Edwards.
If I’m not yet over the Falklands, why should anyone be? Let’s Make England Hate Argies Again, or MEHAA. Then when we beat them it won’t just be a footballing victory. It will restore Britain’s martial greatness.
My cousin José in Madrid? He’s busy on social media trying to revive the anti-French sentiment of the Peninsular War of 1808-1814. We all do our bit.
