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Mini Launches First Aircraft Carrier

MINI has made its first foray into the lucrative ‘crossover’ market with the launch of a 115,000 tonne aircraft carrier.

The Mini Aircraftman has its roots in the original design by Sir Alec Issigonis, but is 330 metres longer and can carry up to 90 F14 tomcats.

Parent company BMW said the new model is designed to attract customers who may have been tempted by the Nissan Qashqai but wanted something with a bit more luggage space.

A spokesman said: “The Aircraftman is great about town or on country roads with plenty of room for your growing family. It’s also really useful if you need to project power, say in the Arabian Gulf or off the coast of North Korea.”

The new model has already been awarded the maximum five-star NCAP safety rating with tests showing that if you were in a collision you would have no idea you had been in a collision.

Carbon emissions of  537,000g/km mean it will cost more than £3m per year to tax, but Mini said owners would save on insurance because it is virtually impossible to damage and you can only steal it if you have all 27 keys as well as ‘code nine’ clearance from the National Security Agency.

But Mini enthusiast Julian Cook, from Finsbury Park said: “There’s something about it which just isn’t quite ‘Mini’. I can’t put my finger on it.

“Perhaps it would help if there was another remake of the Italian Job and they had half a dozen of them going up and down some steps in the centre of Turin.”