Scientists assume pupils are listening


SCIENTISTS are calling for tougher guidelines on teaching creationism to children who are not paying a blind bit of notice anyway.

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Some of the country’s most respected television presenters have released a statement demanding that evolution be taught as scientific fact, prompting Britain’s teachers to say ‘fine, whatever’.

Carlisle secondary school teacher, Wayne Hayes, said: “I could say that the earth was shat out the arse of an omnipotent badger for all the attention I’m paid.

“When it comes to filling up their heads with idiotic shit I’m afraid intelligent design comes way down the list after telling them algebra
will come in useful as an adult.

“But yeah, sure, I’m more than happy to say evolution is fact and creationism is mental while we’re all listening to our iPods and at least two of them have sex under a desk.”

But the experts stressed that the sort of schools where creationism is taught as science tend to have a higher percentage of pupils who are not just sitting around until they become famous for being famous.

Sir David Attenborough said: “You have to watch the Christian ones. They’re incredibly sneaky.

“They sit up straight, pay attention and do their homework while failing to make any connection whatsoever between the science they’ve been taught and the voodoo they’ve been taught.

“Before you know it they have jobs and votes.”

Hayes added: “I have to shout the words ‘Kim Kardashian’ every six minutes just to remind them that I’m not a hat stand.”



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