Celebrity

THE number of BBC presenters in prison has reached a five-year high after Radio 1 DJ Groovewhittler was jailed for a second offence of dog frottage. 

PRINCE Philip has denied claims he is a Nazi, insisting his passionate racism is merely a hobby.

EX-EASTENDERS character Nigel Bates is among the early favourites to represent the UK in this year's Eurovision Song Contest. 

PRINCESS Diana led a secret life as a super-hero who was able to scale buildings and shoot a web-like material from her wrist, Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed claimed today.

NATASHA Kaplinsky will start each bulletin by staring straight into the camera and slowly sucking on her pencil as the new £1 million-a-year face of Five News. 

THE small Swiss town of Davos was last night celebrating another successful year of A-grade horseshit and frenzied wanking.

HIS Royal Highness Prince William was in fine spirits last night after another absolutely spiffing day out.

TOM Cruise was celebrating last night as he overtook John Travolta to become Hollywood's most dangerously unhinged psychopath.

THE Queen carries a Swastika tattoo on her wrist and believes Zionists control the Post Office, Princess Diana's butler revealed yesterday.

SIMPLE Life superstar Nicole Richie has given birth to a baby girl almost four pounds heavier then she is.