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WAGWAN? Active J is hexhausted today, fam. Last night, crewdem busted da Halloween trick or treat ting round Active J’s hood. It woz da bare worst hidea hever, innit. 

TODAY the whole world is happy and settled in its Christianity, except for Muslims and a few stubborn others. But did you know this was not always the case?

“Squawk! Honestly, this has never happened to me before!” “Ignore the parrot. I consistently achieve erections.”

WAKING up with a hangover so excruciating I briefly consider hiring an online exorcist to banish it, I reflect on another eventful week in my ministry. 

SYDNEY here. Actor. Sex symbol. Dog lover. Proud Virgo. And as you can tell from my penchant for empowering plunging frocks - committed feminist. 

CHAT, I’ve run into an age-old problem. After six months of dating, my unc parents want to meet my gf. The only issue is she’s an algorithm trained on all the hentai I’ve ever gooned to.

F**king Victoria’s Secret models. You know the wings aren’t real? Yeah.

WAKING with a hangover so intense that for a few hours I grow an extra head that keeps tediously vowing to never drink again, I take on copious liquids and reflect on the past week. 

IN the olden days they called it droit du seigneur. It’s still on the statute books. Put simply, it means any Royal has the right to have sex with anyone he desires at all times.

JULIAN Cook, aged 46, is a knackered dad of five children. 38-year-old Lauren Hewitt lives alone in a flat with a washing machine not permanently full of PE kit. Can it work?