Premium

A TEXT reply from your crush should show barely-concealed longing and lust. So why are yours bland placeholder messages? Here’s what people text back when they’re just not feeling it.

Wagwan? Man is bare gassed. Superswag Active J scored a peng Valentine’s Day card on him’s desk in history today, innit.

A WOMAN who has never had to download an app and swipe through awful profiles is daring to give dating advice, it has emerged.

HANNAH Tomlinson and Oliver O’Connor have been nominally looking for love and finding only casual sex for some years now. When will they realise they’ve dated before?

A WOMAN only puts effort into her appearance for herself and the chief deity of the Aztecs Huitzilopochtli, she has confirmed.

MUSIC snobs love to prove their superiority with their ‘challenging’ choices. But be warned - coming into contact with these albums may make you one of them. 

AUSTRALIAN model and actress Holly Valance has confirmed she is the right-wing equivalent of Carol Vorderman.

TAYLOR and I have been platonic collaborators for 12 years, and that’s a lot of wanking. This is how I plan to finally make it out of the friendzone.

EVERY photograph of a sunset, whether taken by a professional photographer in the Maldives or on an iPhone 6S in Llandudno, looks exactly the same.

THERE are neighbourhoods where only wealthy knobheads can afford to live, but oddly you’re meant to care about them. Residents of these areas can piss off.