Miracle Cat Knows When Old People Are About To Be Racist

MOLLY, a tabby cat at a Bournemouth nursing home, has displayed an uncanny ability for identifying elderly racists.

Staff at Bellingham Lodge say the four year-old cat will jump into the lap of one of the elderly residents, usually during the six o' clock news.

Assistant manager Susan Carter said: "Anything on the news about terrorism, asylum or immigration will have Molly pacing around the floor.

"As soon as one of the residents says, 'it's because of all these…' she jumps into their lap. It's as if she can sense their racism.

"If George Allegiah is presenting the news, then Molly can get quite agitated as the racist remark could come from anywhere in the room."

She added: "Last year we had one old gentleman who was a Conservative candidate in the 1983 general election. Molly would follow him everywhere he went."

Staff say they are surprised by the large number of women caught out by Molly's sixth sense for bigots.

"Our old ladies do love to have a go at ethnic minorities and foreigners," said Carter. "I think it helps the swelling go down in their legs."

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Viewers Baffled By New Series Of 'West Wing'

IT is one of the most critically acclaimed shows in the history of television, but last night's premiere of the new series of the West Wing left British viewers perplexed.

Channel Four said it had received assurances from the show's US producers that while the latest episode of the political drama seemed very slightly different, it would be 'back to its old self' next week.

West Wing fan Bill McKay, from Barnsley, said: "It started very well. As usual, I had absolutely no idea what was going on or what they were talking about.

"But after 10 minutes I began to wonder what had happened to the rousing theme music. After half an hour I turned to my wife and said, 'where in the name of fuck is Martin Sheen you horrid cow?'

"I'm fascinated to see where this is going. I hope that Josh manages to persuade whoever it is he's dealing with to do whatever it is he wants them to do."

Mr McKay added: "You do understand that as an older man it's very important that I get to watch CJ at least once a week."

A Channel 4 spokesman said: "We are disappointed they have dropped the famous theme music. People enjoyed reading the name WG 'Snuffy' Walden.

"But while this may seem a little odd to the show's loyal fans, we can assure them that this is the West Wing. Just the same old West Wing."