Record Number Of Dogs Passing GCSEs

MORE than 75% of dogs who sat this year's GCSE exams have achieved at least three passing grades, the government has announced.

Oscar hopes to study French and German at Southampton University

Ministers welcomed the record results, rejecting claims that the exams were getting easier and insisting that British dogs were becoming more intelligent.

Schools Minister Jim Knight said: "English and maths, in particular, are the bedrock of every dog's education as well as knowing where to go poo-poo."

Recent exam changes mean that dogs who turn up and are able to make two or three random marks on the paper are awarded a pass. Urinating or depositing solids on or around the paper guarantees at least a C grade.

Schools in England have been under particular pressure to improve results in dog maths and dog chemistry. Despite a fall in numbers for dog French and dog German, there has been a rise in candidates for Arabic, Chinese and dog Polish.

Mr Knight rejected claims that GCSEs were too easy, despite the fact that more than 25,000 human children who failed to turn up for their exams were awarded five passes at C grade or above.

He added: "Do you really think that we, as politicians, would make the exams easier just so we could look good? How stupid do you think we think you are?"