Friday, 6th December 2019

Dog owner satisfied with picking up most of turd

A DOG owner is satisfied with the job she did of picking up 70 percent of a sh*t and leaving a good-sized chunk on the pavement.

After Emma Bradford’s golden retriever Sandy produced a large poo during a walk, she collected most of it in a plastic bag but left a substantial fecal hazard for the general public.

Bradford said: “You hear about people getting terrible back problems, so I don’t like bending over too much. Also it’s tiring. The important thing is I bagged up the biggest bit. 

“A little bit on the pavement is fine because it’s all part of the ecosystem. I’m sure the rain instantly washes it into the soil where it nourishes the plants. Maybe squirrels use it as cement to build their squirrel houses.  

“There’s probably even a species of bird that eats dog poo. So people should look at the bigger environmental picture instead of getting upset about stepping in it.”

Neighbour Wayne Hayes said: “I just stepped in the turd in my new trainers. I’m sure Emma won’t mind if I flick her dog’s sh*t back into her ecosystem, or ‘driveway’ as I call it.”