Ask Holly: World leaders are working their sorry asses off to impress me

Dear Holly,

Life in The White House is a bit like The Apprentice, but with world leaders having to work their sorry asses off to impress me instead of the usual management losers. I’m thinking of asking Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin to come up with a business case for the apocalypse and then go and try to flog it down Camden Market out of the back of a van. Are you frightened yet?



Dear Donald,  

The only things that properly scare me are Mister Maker’s eyes, my granny’s enormous pink knickers from Littlewood’s and that mad monster called Zool that lives in the lady’s fridge in Ghostbusters. As long as the apocalypse doesn’t involve a combination of any of the above I am sure there is nothing to worry about and you need to stop being silly and go back to bed.

Hope that helps,