I’ve been thinking I should adopt Kim Jong-un

Dear Holly,

I’ve been thinking I should adopt Kim Jong-un. His fat little orphan face would fit nicely into my rainbow family. Plus he’s totally bat-shit and has the U.S. film industry at his mercy so he’d fit right in with us. I just worry he might be a bit grabby with the twins’ Lego; do you think he’d respond to the naughty step?

Angelina Jolie


Dear Angelina,

At my school we don’t have the naughty table or the naughty wall anymore, because our new teacher, Mrs Kenworthy says we only label positive behaviour. Mrs Kenworthy just completed her postgraduate certificate in education and she still has a spring in her step and a hopeful light in her eyes. We’ve got a sweepstake running and I’ve put two weeks’ pocket money on the chokey being reinstated by February.

Hope that helps!