Life can be tough for a superstar racing driver with wads of cash

Dear Holly,

I’m feeling pretty upset. Not many people realise this, but life can be very cruel for a superstar racing driver with wads of cash and a massive flash car. Why don’t more people pity me?

Sebastian Vettel


Dear Sebastian,

You don’t know the meaning of the word ‘cruel’ until you have spent a few hours in the company of pre-pubescent school girls. If you find yourself in this situation, avoid becoming a target by ensuring you know all the lyrics to Let It Go from Frozen, that you have at least fifty loom bracelets on each arm and that no-one knows your mum signed you up for orchestra summer club, because otherwise untold dreadful things will happen to you.

Hope that helps!


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Daily Mail rates the outfits of Gaza Strip refugees

BRITAIN’S leading 1950s newspaper has provided a fashion rundown of female Palestinians fleeing airstrikes.

Under the headline ‘The Gaza Strip Catwalk’, the Daily Mail profiled a few of the many women stepping out in the Middle Eastern hotspot.

A Mail reporter wrote: “Just received a courteous telephone call from the Israelis advising you to evacuate your home?

“Then you’ve been given all the warning you need to throw together a look that’s casual, summery and practical. Especially when you know you’ll be facing the cameras.

“Unfortunately mother-of-four Shadia Kelani turned Mossad heads with an atrocity of an outfit, her embroidered dress and her chequered kaffiyeh a nastier clash than the IDF and Hamas.

“And Laila Hatoum, seen here with everything she owns loaded on a broken cart, fared little better.

“What at first glance is a daringly slashed dress is just the result of flying debris, and the running-mascara look is daring in Paris but depressingly unoriginal in Palestine.

Palestinian Rana Raheb said: “In all the excitement of having our homes pulverised we have may have forgotten the importance of looking good.

“Thank you, Mail Online, for reminding us.”