What do we need men for?

Dear Holly,

I need advice on a question to which I have been pondering for some time. Independent women like me swear like miners, drink pints of Boddingtons AND wear a hot pink bikini all at the same time, so what do we need men for?

Melanie Sykes


Dear Melanie,

My granny says that a long long time ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth and Michael Jackson was still alive, it was men who were in charge of everything. Women had to ask permission just to go to the toilet and the only jobs they were allowed to do was flower arranger or dance instructor. Then a visionary called Margaret Thatcher came along who changed everything. She put the men to work underground in the mines and empowered women to start wearing jumpsuits with shoulder pads and ridiculous perms. They reclaimed the word ‘bitch’ and spent many years standing on men’s backs with their shiny red stilettos and matching red lipstick. But then the anti-feminist Edwina Currie came to power and convinced the women that their ovaries were riddled with salmonella, which made them freak out and agree to take all their clothes off and do suggestive dances at the behest of their greatest enemy, Robin Thicke.

Hope that helps!