Farage’s guide to non-EU holiday destinations

YOU’VE been looking for an excuse not to go to France or Italy and now Brexit has made the decision for you. You’re welcome. But, if you insist on leaving Britain, where to go instead?

Dubai
The weather’s always good, plus, anywhere built on slave labour has the comforting whiff of home.

Russia
Those nice Russians showed such an interest in Salisbury Cathedral and its 123 metre spire so it’s only fair we return the favour.

China
Thanks to Brexit they’ll soon have access to our holiday snaps anyway, so you might as well cut out the middleman.

Walt Disney World
If, for some reason, you secretly want to go to France after all, Disney World has that little Eiffel Tower. Isn’t France lovely without the French?

Trump golf resort
Perfect for people who like things to be ‘high class’. The bathroom taps are gold-plated and there’s a picture of President Trump on the bedroom wall. I go there a lot.

Narnia
Not the warmest, but you’ll have the sense of really being abroad. And it has a unicorn.