Your astrological week ahead, by Psychic Bob

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)?
Sad news as UKIP cancels plans to combat homophobia accusations by having Roger Helmer do a G-A-Y show as John Inman’s character in Are You Being Served?.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)?
You’ve reached the age where the only time you’d be likely to be asked for ID is if you tried to get a flu jab.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
They say owners start to look like their dog and that’s true in your case as it died two years ago.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)?
That Tic Tac ad says they ‘turn your bum into maracas’, but you ate two packs of the diet ones full of Sorbitol and turned your bum into a lawn sprinkler.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
No news from the Oscar ceremony committee on your suggestion to rename the section commemorating this year’s deaths as “The gak or the sauce?”

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)?
While the song is right to tell people to stay away from Runaround Sue, her sister Tirama is a delight.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Sat on the sofa, one hand down your jogging pants and the other in a bag of Doritos, is the perfect way to spend a Saturday afternoon, if you can ignore all the DFS staff asking you to leave.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
After your wife handed you a set of divorce papers and a paternity suit for your birthday last year, you totally know how Yaya Toure feels right now.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)?
I’d rinse that under cold water if I were you. As long as you promise not to use my bathroom to do it.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)?
Standing on the set of a porn version of Star Trek, it’s not what you had in mind when you applied for a Data entry job.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Over the years you’ve helped raise awareness of a number of issues but the main one has been what a pain in the arse you are.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)?
Due to proportional representation, as of May 22nd you will now be Capricorn.

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Wolfenstein 'encourages kids to shoot Nazis'

PARENTS are worried that a new computer game where players battle Nazis could encourage anti-Nazi attitudes.

Wolfenstein: The New Order features graphic scenes of Nazi murder, Nazi dog murder and giant Nazi robot murder which could influence the thinking of impressionable teenagers.

Teenager Nathan Muir said: “When I started the game I could go either way about the Nazis – they did have cool uniforms – but by the end, I’d killed hundreds and was hungry for more.

“I watched Saving Private Ryan and, God help me, I was dementedly cheering the Allied forces like a football fan. I’m so afraid of what I’ve become.”

Video games expert Susan Traherne said: “It is a proven fact that games like this desensitise children to the shooting of Nazis and even create neural links between Nazi death and pleasure.

“How can these children function in the Britain of today, with violent urges rising every time a fellow bus passenger innocently says that foreigners should be rounded up and put into camps?”

Gamer Wayne Hayes said: “As an adult, I’m perfectly able to tell the difference between a computer game and reality.

“If I met someone with Nazi views in real life, I wouldn’t shoot them. Like anyone else, I’d stare at the floor until they left, then mutter vague disagreement.”