THOUSANDS of hen parties are preparing for raucous yet entirely fake fun.
As the hen party season begins, groups of women are booking hotel rooms in Bath where they will pretend to enjoy doing outrageous but strangely dull things.
31 year-old bride-to-be Emma Bradford said: “We had something called a ‘pamper day’ then we put on special t-shirts, each printed with a single word that summarises our personality.
“Mine said ‘cocklover’ which was a bit awkward as my nan was with us.
“Then I was given a list of tasks, like kissing a bald man’s head, something involving a dildo, etcetera etcetera.
“Everyone was laughing a lot, but in a quite forced way because the whole experience felt really empty, although nobody acknowledged that. However we will look back at the photographs and tell ourselves it was amazing.”
Bradford’s sister-in-law Nikki Hollis said: “I remember dancing in a big group to 80s music. My arms felt really tired and I just wanted to be in bed.
“There was a married estate agent who kept poking me in the back with his boner.
“One of Emma’s work friends said a racist thing to a shopkeeper, I lost my mobile and Donna ‘the mental one’ turned out to have legitimate mental health problems.
“The evening ended abruptly when we all had a massive argument about nothing.”