The social media ars*hole's guide to being right

DETERMINED to win every argument even when you’re clearly wrong? Follow the example of the worst ars*holes on social media: 

Quote dubious research
Don’t just assume you’re outgunned when you find yourself debating economics with a famous economics professor. You can still come out on top by quoting the ill-informed ramblings of some oddball’s blog and mocking your opponent for not having read it.

Don’t concede valid points
Recognising the value of what your opponent is saying is for losers and centrists. Winners steamroll over any and all interlocutors and paint their attempts to be reasonable as lunatic fringe madness.

Ignore facts
It’s hard to be wrong when you pick and choose which facts are true or false depending on your beliefs. By turning a blind eye to a vast body of peer-reviewed research you can still claim that the Earth is flat or that the conclusion of Game of Thrones was brilliant.

Rally a lynch mob
If all else fails gather together some like-minded knuckleheads and intimidate whoever disagrees with you into submission. You’ll still be wrong of course, but at least now nobody will bother to engage with you.

Be the last man standing
Does the person you’re arguing with, 144 tweets into the thread, tire of saying the same thing again and again and abandon the argument? That counts as a win. Add a few mocking, dismissive comments then move on triumphant to the next sucker.

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Man impresses date by not taking any sh*t from waitress

A MAN decided to prove his attractiveness on a first date by boldly showing a teenage waitress who was boss.

Martin Bishop, 35, believed he was demonstrating all the qualities women look for in a man by throwing his weight around with badly-paid 17-year-old student Donna Sheridan.

Bishop said: “Luckily I brought flowers, so I was able to snap my fingers and tell this young girl to put them in water till the end of the meal. Smooth move.

“I also complained there was a smear on my knife, forcing Donna to bring a new one. Then I sent back the main course to get it heated up a bit. This is pure alpha male stuff.”

Date Emma Bradford said: “It’s good that Martin refuses to accept anything other than the highest standards of service, because it was a pleasant break from him talking about his f**king car.”

Bishop later reported that no sexual activity or further contact with Bradford resulted from the date, but feels it would have if he had complained about the hand dryer in the men’s toilets.