The 18 most depressing situations to see someone wearing a Santa hat in

A SANTA hat teamed with hi-viz on a worker down the council recycling centre unaccountably fails to lift the spirit. As it does on these other occasions:

On a Big Issue seller you feel even more guilty for ignoring than usual

On a retail employee for whom this period is a hell where every key change of I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day is embossed upon her brain

On your grandfather in a care home who hated Christmas but no longer has the strength to fight

On your partner asleep in the front room after vomiting lavishly in the downstairs toilet, unable to explain where it came from or how he got home

On your child, crying with disappointment because this was all they got in the lucky dip at the Christmas Fayre which you subsidised to the tune of about £60

On somebody’s f**king Staffy straining at its lead to bite while the owner explains she’s never like this

In blue-and-white varieties on Man City and Everton fans for who the very existence of the colour red is a grievous insult inciting violence

On a grim-faced manager demanding extra work from everyone because there’s only a fortnight until end-of-year results

On a grim-faced manager at the North Pole demanding extra work from all his elves because there’s only a fortnight until Christmas Eve

On the staff at your work canteen dishing up dry turkey and bullet sprouts for the mandatory Christmas lunch

On a hammered bloke down the pub clearly up for a fight in the car park

On a barmaid serving the far-too-pissed, clearly counting the minutes until her shift ends

On a scowling girl on a night out with her friends who has had the hat removed by drunk blokes as an overture to romantic advances once too f**king often

On your own reflection in the mirror as you try to sober up, wishing the pisshead colleagues you’re with would agree to a taxi home

On the bloke you’ve just kissed in a desperate attempt to stop him droning on in the pub

On the bloke you’ve just snogged outside the club when you realise how ropey he looks

On your bedroom floor when you wake up wondering who the f**k this guy who stinks of gin snoring next to you is

On Instagram, where your fumbles with the bloke have been thoroughly documented by your  colleagues who apparently weren’t as pissed as you thought

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Acceptable son-in-law given official tour of garage

A DAD has given his daughter’s boyfriend his official seal of approval by taking him on a guided tour of the garage.

After dating Bill McKay’s daughter Nikki for over a year and visiting her parents numerous times, Jack Browne was unexpectedly invited to peruse Bill’s jealously-guarded inner sanctum.

Browne said: “Despite having eaten a Sunday roast together on multiple occasions, Bill has barely directed anything at me other than a suspicious stare. So it was quite a shock when, after we’d finished the crumble, he stood up and said ‘Jack, let me show you around the garage’.

“I was tempted to laugh at first but then I saw Nikki welling up and her mum squeezing her hand, so I knew this was a really big deal.

“I followed him inside and he pointed out the old twin-tub washing machine, the half-empty containers of oil and his collection of screws that he keeps in a Christmas biscuit tin his mum bought in 1961.

“I was beginning to question whether my relationship with Nikki was worth this tedious nightmare, when he said, ‘If you’re good enough for Nikki, you’re good enough for me. One day, all this could be yours.'”

“I didn’t tell him I’d level the whole thing for a hot tub. It might have ruined the moment.”