May says no to tiny lizards

THERESA May has confirmed a set of randomly-selected European things that Britain is going to be against.

The list, drawn in what appears to be the Home Secretary’s own bodily secretions onto the back of McDonalds place mat, includes all soft cheeses south of Bordeaux, blue letterboxes and the actress Isabella Rossellini.

May said: “We have always been the party that is tough on Polka music and those little dots above vowels, and we must not shirk from that.

“Britain must be able to retain its sovereignty and with this in mind, I say no more little lizards that scuttle across your path on the way to the swimming pool of a morning.”



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