MAGICIAN Paul Daniels is to spend three hours with his hand in a toaster.
As David Blaine enters the pulsating core of an electrical storm, Britain’s favourite teatime illusionist will insert his left hand into a toaster and keep it there until Antiques Roadshow comes on.
Other recent Daniels stunts include sitting outside a Post Office for five hours, wearing several hats at once and eating some ice cream really quickly.
The toaster will not be switched on.
ED Miliband’s demented, disfigured brother is murdering delegates at the Labour Party conference.
There have been a spate of gruesome deaths this week at the Manchester Central conference centre, which initially seemed like tragic accidents.
However sightings of a masked figure with distinctively greying hair have confirmed the involvement of Ed Miliband’s insane, hate-consumed brother David.
Delegate Tom Logan said: “They found a makeshift lair in a cleaning cupboard beneath the venue. It contained creepy dolls, an old gramophone playing two bars of a scratched Vera Lynn record and a silver-framed picture of Ed and David together, with Ed’s drawn-on hand sticking a sword into David’s back.
“David is here, and he wants revenge.”
Once-promising David Miliband deliberately disfigured himself in a deep fat fryer ‘so I shall no longer see traces of Ed in the mirror’.
He disappeared shortly afterwards, although it is rumoured he was adopted by a family of rats from which he learned the arts of cunning and concealment.
Yesterday a heavy lighting rig fell onto the stage, narrowly missing Ed Miliband and luckily killing Ed Balls.
The incident was followed by maniacal cackling, seemingly coming from thin air.
