ED Miliband’s demented, disfigured brother is murdering delegates at the Labour Party conference.
There have been a spate of gruesome deaths this week at the Manchester Central conference centre, which initially seemed like tragic accidents.
However sightings of a masked figure with distinctively greying hair have confirmed the involvement of Ed Miliband’s insane, hate-consumed brother David.
Delegate Tom Logan said: “They found a makeshift lair in a cleaning cupboard beneath the venue. It contained creepy dolls, an old gramophone playing two bars of a scratched Vera Lynn record and a silver-framed picture of Ed and David together, with Ed’s drawn-on hand sticking a sword into David’s back.
“David is here, and he wants revenge.”
Once-promising David Miliband deliberately disfigured himself in a deep fat fryer ‘so I shall no longer see traces of Ed in the mirror’.
He disappeared shortly afterwards, although it is rumoured he was adopted by a family of rats from which he learned the arts of cunning and concealment.
Yesterday a heavy lighting rig fell onto the stage, narrowly missing Ed Miliband and luckily killing Ed Balls.
The incident was followed by maniacal cackling, seemingly coming from thin air.