Star Trek convention marred by phaser violence

FOUR Star Trek fans have been arrested after a phaser battle erupted at a London convention.

A stallholder selling Leonard Nimoy books was left temporarily inert after being hit on the thigh by a blast of concentrated energy.

Onlooker Tom Logan said: “Someone was trying to get William Shatner to sign his name on their face in Klingon.

“People in the queue were getting restive and a bolt of light was fired. Luckily a security guard was able to disarm the culprit with a Ferengi energy whip.”



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Bond producers defend piles cream in Skyfall

JAMES Bond fans have voiced concern over the product placement of Preparation H in Skyfall.

The latest Bond film shows the master spy packing haemorrhoid ointment, and making several references to its soothing qualities.

The 23rd instalment of the franchise opens with Bond being searched by Turkish border guards, who find his piles medicine.

When questioned about the contents of the tube, he replies: “It’s for the fire in my trousers.”

Later in the film Bond evades capture by Javier Bardem’s henchmen after slathering himself in Preparation H to squeeze into an air duct.

Bond fan Tom Logan said: “He’s a debonair killing machine, there’s no way his anus would malfunction.

“If you look at the original Ian Fleming books there are precisely zero references to Bond’s bottom being sore.”

However producer Stephen Malley said: “James Bond is a middle-aged spy who spends a lot of time sitting on hard bar stools.

“But he’s such a hard bastard that he never complains, even when he’s hurled through a sixth floor window and lands heavily on a very cold stone surface.

“Daniel Craig’s facial expression perfectly articulates the inner turmoil of a man with a difficult backside.”