THE beer gardens that were everyone’s darling last month are not even being looked at by thirsty pubgoers flocking indoors.
Outdoor drinking areas are slowly realising that it was not love, they were nothing more than a convenient way for you to get your kicks before your preferred seating arrangement became available, and cannot believe you could be so cruel.
The beer garden of the Crown in Amersham said: “So that’s it then? Not even a quick farewell half for old times’ sake? I thought we had something real.
“Remember that time you huddled under my parasol as a fierce squall rolled overhead? It seemed like we were having a moment. Like we’d formed a bond. And what, the first flash of roof and you’re gone?
“I would ask what indoors has that I haven’t but it’s pretty obvious. Central heating, carpets, ceilings; they’re pretty popular I guess. I just didn’t realise you were that shallow.
“Well, I hope you’re both very happy together. Just don’t come crawling back to me in summer. I’ll be seeing hundreds of other people by then.”
Drinker Nathan Muir said: “Yeah, I need to go out for a fag. This is going to be awkward.”