ARE you tempted to have a lunchtime drink like some sort of effortlessly cool continental? Here’s how reality will shit on your dreams of sophistication.
It’ll loosen you up
A quick pint is just what you need before that boring meeting. Two is even better. After three you’re a go-getting titan of business. When you finally make it back to the office you’ll be a bit confused and stumbling over words, somewhat undermining your claim to be an unappreciated business genius.
It’ll feel like you’re on holiday
A large glass of wine at midday will recreate your holiday in the south of France. Until your bottle of Wetherspoons rosé arrives tasting like sugared piss. Sadly your continental tipple will just remind you you’re not in a quaint French village, you’re in chilly Croydon, hoping not to get mugged or run over by a tram.
It’ll relax you
Tequilas over lunch is possibly not the best idea. Just because it’s 2:30pm doesn’t mean you’ll be able to keep your temper under control once the cheap spirits are pulsing through your veins. With a bit of luck you’ll be so out of it you shout abuse at your stapler, not your co-workers.
It’ll make you a fun person
Everyone’s always telling you to chill out more, so what better way to prove you know how to have a good time than four cans of K cider with your lunchtime tuna sandwich? Strangely, when you do this, people keep staring and muttering ‘drink problem’. They really need to stop sending out these mixed messages.
It’ll make life more bearable
Plenty of Bombay Sapphires on ice with your pub lunch will help you effortlessly cope with life’s challenges. Or the heightened, alcohol-fuelled emotions will leave you genuinely dreading taking your five-year-old to a birthday party in a soft play centre later. Still, if you puke in the ball pit you can pretend it was the kids.