Hungover 42-year-old can't believe how little she drank last night

A WOMAN in her early forties with a raging hangover is mortified by the pitiful amount of alcohol that brought it on.

Shuddering, queasy mess Emma Howard quickly tallied what she drank yesterday evening and concluded that back in the day it would not have counted as pre-drinks. 

She said: “Three glasses of house white in the sunshine. Not massive glasses. But I don’t remember going to bed and I was scrabbling for paracetamol in the bathroom at 5am, trying very hard not to puke. 

“When did I become such a lightweight? Four and a half units, maybe six? That’s what I’d knock back to sober up. The ravages of time are cruel indeed.

“I had a meal last night and everything but that doesn’t seem to have softened the blow. Is this me done with drinking for good, or should I go on a bender to build up my tolerance? Even though thinking about it makes me retch?

“No, that’s me in managed decline now. Before long a single gin and tonic will be enough to write me off for the next day. Better to bow out of drinking before I’m not even able to humiliate myself any longer.

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Support Manchester City tonight as patriots, Abu Dhabi fans told

FOOTBALL fans in the United Arab Emirates have been told to put their club affiliations aside and back Manchester City to bring it home for Sheikh Mansour tonight.

The pride of the Emirates take on Inter Milan in tonight’s Champions League final with the whole Gulf state willing City to make them proud.

Fan Eida Al Hamed said: “Normally the only club side I cheer on is Al Wahda, but tonight I’ll make an exception.

“We’ll all be gathered around the illegal streams, dressed in robes, sipping strong coffee, backing our home team. At least the noisy neighbours were out of it early! Bloody Qatar.

“I honestly think it’s sad clinging to little tribal rivalries at a time like this. If United fans in Hertfordshire and Liverpool fans in Cardiff can put aside their differences for European cups, so can we.

“People don’t understand how badly the UAE needs this win. Our human rights record is an absolute shambles, there’s rampant homophobia, so this could really turn Western perceptions around for us.

“Come on City! Do it for us! Do it for Abu Dhabi!”