MORE and more places are welcoming dogs these days, but society still has a long way to go. Here are just six of the places I should obviously be allowed to take my gorgeous little fur baby.

Restaurants

Dogs are social creatures and they love to eat, so really a restaurant is the perfect place for them. If you’ve got a problem with my dog begging, drooling and sniffing your crotch while you enjoy dinner, that sounds like a you problem. Perhaps you should eat at home so my little angel doesn’t have to experience your dog-hating.

Your child’s birthday party

I don’t have a child. I have a dog. But why should that exclude me from your infant son’s birthday festivities? My labrador may be largely untrained and absolutely enormous, but he’ll have a blast hurtling around with your two-year-old and his mates. Just tell them not to get too rowdy as he is very easily startled.

The theatre

Just because my dog doesn’t speak English doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate the magic of theatre. And yes, perhaps he will run onto the stage and try to mount the cast – but that’s just how he expresses that he enjoyed the performance. He can’t exactly clap, can he?

An intensive care ward

I can already hear the protests – ‘But I’m critically ill!’ and ‘I’m in a coma!’. Well I’m sorry, but Milo is a curious little guy and there are lots of interesting things for him to smell in here. Plus, he absolutely loves chewing all the wires and tubes. If you saw how happy he’d be gnawing on a catheter you’d think twice about excluding him from your precious ward.

A funeral

Look, I’m sorry that a large portion of your aunt’s eulogy could not be heard because my dog was barking. But it’s not his fault. He saw a squirrel outside.  

A nuclear submarine

Some people think bringing a dog aboard a cramped vessel packed with weapons of mass destruction is a bad idea. They say things like ‘It’s an extreme security risk’ and ‘How did you even get on board?’ But Milo just loves to explore new places and he won’t be any bother. If he accidentally launches a Trident missile and triggers a world war while chasing a tennis ball that seems like a design fault.