Man reaches 100th day of thinking about going teetotal

A MAN has reached the milestone of 100 days of considering quitting drinking.

Tom Logan first thought about cutting out booze completely after awaking in a pool of vomit on the kitchen floor in July. Since then he has managed not to go a single day without resolving to go on the wagon permanently. 

Logan said: “I always say ‘take it one day at a time’. I know that at any moment I could weaken and admit to myself I am a hopeless drunk, but I’m not going to do that.

“Finding a strength I never thought I had, and perhaps with help from a higher power, I’ve stayed strong and told myself that tomorrow, or perhaps the day after, is the day I quit alcohol for good.

“I’m not saying it has been easy. Along the way I have experienced many pangs, often due to raging hangovers. 

“But those hangovers were worth it, because they bolstered my resolve to say, now is the time, well not now, but maybe some time this month, for me to kick the booze.”

He added: “I couldn’t have done it without the support of my partner Susan. Whenever I say ‘This is my last can of lager’ she’s always given me words of encouragement like ‘Yeah. Right’.”

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How to survive writing a covering letter

ARE you trying to explain your skills and experience without saying ‘just look at my f**king CV’? Here’s how to survive the ordeal of writing a covering letter.

Pace yourself

It’s tempting to dive in and outline how you maximised revenues during Q3 in your last job, but talking that much bollocks straight away will tire you out. Instead take it one sentence at a time. Treat yourself to a break once you’ve typed ‘To whom it may concern’. God knows you’ve earned it.

Stay hydrated

You’ll lose a lot of water while writing a cover letter as you weep tears of boredom into your keyboard, so it’s important you remember to stay hydrated. Taps are a good source of water, and so is the sky and your shower head. If worst comes to the worst go full Ray Mears and quaff your own piss.

Build a fire

This isn’t just procrastination. With luck a helicopter passing overhead will spot the blaze and swoop down to rescue you. Just don’t set your house on fire and burn what you’ve written so far or you’ll be back to square one.

Eat your own body parts if necessary

If you’re unlucky enough to find yourself wedged between your chair and your desk, don’t panic. You can always gnaw on your own limbs for sustenance until help arrives, or just hack them off like that guy in 127 Hours. Gruesome and painful, but still more fun than doing the covering letter.

Remember pain is only temporary

Remember the agonising pain of writing a covering letter will pass. To take your mind off the seemingly endless suffering, imagine the moment where you hit send and it’s emailed to your potential employer, who will notice that you’ve spelt their company name wrong and immediately bin it.