Playdates a cover for teatime p*ss-ups

PARENTS are using playdates as an excuse to get smashed in the afternoons, they have confirmed. 

On the face of it arranged so that children can have valuable social time playing together, the dates quickly end up with the kids told to put Netflix on while their parents drink wine in the kitchen.

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “Jordan and Ruby love their playdates with whatever Deborah and Mark’s kids are called. And it’s great for us. We bring two bottles now.

“The kids get to socialise, and Haribo and smoothies if they interrupt us, and we get to talk, to drink, and if we get hungry we all go out for a pub meal. Emphasis on the pub bit.

“Last time we had such fun that Mark almost texted his dealer to get some blow in, but then Ruby ruined it by having a little accident after we’d all ignored her asking to go to the loo.”

Emma’s six-year old daughter Ruby said: “I love playdates, because my parents become almost like different people.

“We get sweets, we play on the iPad as much as we like, we watch Deadpool 2, we put make-up on the cat, we throw stones at passing buses. It’s awesome.”