Sunday, 8th December 2019

Brexiter claims to remember fighting World War Two inside grandfather's left testicle

A 49-YEAR-OLD Brexiter has justified saying ‘we’ won World War Two by claiming he remembers the fighting from inside his grandfather’s left boll*ck. 

Norman Steele says his vivid memories of street-by-street fighting through French towns, even encased in a scrotum as he was, mean that his constant references to an 80-year-old war bearing no relation to the current crisis cannot be challenged.

He continued: “I didn’t spend five hard years fighting a war inside my granddad’s ball sack to get pushed around by Angela Merkel.

“We were a band of brothers in there, you know. We were part of ‘the few’, even though there were eight billion of us swimming around.

“Dunkirk, North Africa, the long, slow slog of the Italian campaign… I lost some great comrades to wet dreams and hand shandies, and it’s vital that their sacrifices aren’t forgotten due to the UK’s surrender to the EU dictatorship.

“Hard to believe? Perhaps. But I’m so desperate for a bit of excitement in my bland, economically secure existence that I’ll claim anything at this point.

“Could I have been an ova? Don’t be stupid. Do I look like a woman?”