Thursday, 13th May 2021

Militant vegans dispersed with gentle gust of air

MILITANT vegans blockading the meat aisles of a supermarket have been scattered by a delicate but deliberate draught of air. 

Protest group Animal Rebellion, who demand the UK adopt a plant-based diet, had linked arms but were so explosively scattered by the gentle zephyr some ended up more than half a mile away.

Security manager Stephen Malley said: “They were seriously angry. But, I noticed when they swayed in the slipstream as an elderly lady walked past, they were also seriously light.

“So I simply grabbed the cardboard from an in-store display and wafted it up and down. And with that they flew off like the seeds on a dandelion clock.

“The protest’s over now, apart from the one girl who’s still up on the ceiling. Someone’s gone to get a stepladder to fetch her down.”

He added: “They’ve threatened to come back each with a handful of raisins in their pockets to weigh them down. But I’m not worried. I’ve got a desk fan.”