HANGOVER causes range from drinking too much to drinking far too much. So why not try these bullshit excuses instead?
It was a dodgy bottle
That third bottle of Shiraz had a screw top, so you can’t even claim it was corked, but there was definitely something odd about it. You didn’t mention the suspiciously bitter taste of the tannins when you were sloshing it into a pint glass last night, but that’s what you’re blaming today.
You drank from a dirty glass
Feeling like someone is repeatedly stabbing you in the temple with a screwdriver this morning is down to a glass not being hygienically washed at the bar you went to. Or maybe they didn’t flush the lines properly and you drank some caustic soda. It’s definitely not the seven rounds of shots you insisted on. No way.
It was something you ate
Vomiting and shaking are the main symptoms of food poisoning. It must have been something in the simple vegetarian meal you ate yesterday evening that’s causing it, rather than the massive night in a club necking black sambuca.
It was something you didn’t eat
Feeling shit after a long session in the pub? Blame the fact that you didn’t line your stomach beforehand with a glass of milk and a slice of toast. It’s a bollocks old wives tale of course, but it will make you feel less like a semi-alcoholic waster.
You had wine before beer
Everyone knows what ‘Wine before beer, something to fear’ is a scientific fact rather than just a bullshit rhyme. Having two bottles of Merlot before switching to pints of Stella is why you feel like a badger crapped in your mouth today, and not because you imbibed enough alcohol to sink a small boat.