We ask you: are your children boozing enough?

ENGLAND has the highest rate of child alcohol consumption of all countries surveyed by the World Health Organisation, but are your children doing their part? 

Steve Malley, golf tutor: “I bought my 13-year-old a pint and never got one back, so he’s banned. I can’t be doing with bastards not getting their round in.”

Eleanor Shaw, counsellor: “Sadly my daughters have fallen to creeping Americanisation and only vape strong weed. Our national identity is being taken away from us.”

Joanna Kramer, employment lawyer: “They’ll match me drink for drink for the first two Riojas, but crack the third and suddenly they ‘feel sick’. Lightweights.”

Jim Bates, croupier: “They said kids these days were too busy on Netflix and Xbox to drink two litres of white cider in a bus shelter. This makes me feel like there’s hope again.”

Helen Archer, chiropractor: “This is why we win f**k all at the Olympics. Because they won’t hold events in areas where Britain truly excels.”

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