WHICH boozy classics have you got rammed at the back of your cupboard? And what do they say about the kind of person you are?
Last summer’s Pimms
You’re uptight. Yes, Pimms is technically a summer drink, but why be such a stickler for the rules? Strawberries may be hard to come by in the winter months, but you can at least get your hands on a cucumber. Live a little, you miserable dick.
You’re a wanker. A bottle of triple sec in the cupboard is a sure sign that you ‘got into’ cocktails during lockdown. Whether that was in a bid to impress your friends or simply to drown your own sorrows in a highfalutin way, it still makes you a pretentious twat.
You’re an idiot. A yellow-crusted bottle of Advocaat shows you’re a prick who thought it would be fun to make Snowballs one Christmas. Did you honestly think a combo of what is essentially custard and lemonade was going to lead to anything besides memorable festive puking?
You’re cautious. But what’s the point of saving that champagne for a rainy day? You might die tomorrow. Even if you’re alone with nothing to celebrate apart from the next episode of Succession appearing on Sky, pop the damn cork and have a party.
A box of wine
You’re sensible. If you’re going to do something, you do it properly. Having wine in bulk in the cupboard suggests you take your drinking seriously and aren’t going to tit around pretending otherwise. Well, you’re either sensible or a borderline alcoholic.
Weird bottle of f**k knows what from some holiday
You’re an optimist. Did you think you could bring the South of France back home with you via a bottle of some mysterious liquid called Pommeau? Or relive student adventures in South America by necking some dodgy spirit that’s likely to make you blind? Either way it’s sweet that you thought it possible.