A THOROUGHLY pissed-off Vladimir Putin is to reach out to Western nations for compromise by appearing on Lorraine, he has confirmed.
Following in the footsteps of other celebrities who have used the much-loved celebrities’ couch to clear their names, Putin plans to explain that this whole crusade to paint him as the bad guy is nothing more than a misunderstanding.
A Kremlin source said: “Putin will initially put up a bit of a front, acting the hard man to disguise the hurt inside. But under Lorraine’s soft-spoken Scots questioning he will soon crumble.
“He will confess that he is defensive because he feels the G7 looks down on him, and he is too insecure for democracy because what if the Russian people choose someone else?
“And he will explain that the invasion of Ukraine only seems bad because he is the target of cruel social media trolls. He will tearfully blurt out that perhaps he did the wrong thing but he was under tremendous pressure, like Little Mix’s Jesy Nelson.
“His warm-hearted host will naturally see his side of the story, comfort him, and suggest that perhaps if Ukrainian resistance fighters have been watching it might change quite a few minds.
“Then she will link over to Holly and Phil on the This Morning sofa, where Alison Hammond is exploring the crucial issue of whether flares are back.”