BBC Slammed For Inter-Racial Pasa Doble

THE BBC is under fire for defiling the white race and encouraging intimacy with people of colour.

Viewers of the hit show Strictly Come Dancing voted off Don Warrington, after the Rising Damp star thrust himself repeatedly against a pale young beauty, causing her to faint.

Margaret Hollis, from Taunton, said: "My grandchildren were in the room. I mean for goodness sake." 

She added: "I would stress that I'm not a racist. Last year I voted for Alesha, who is an accomplished dancer with the light, attractive colouring of a cafe latte."

But Ruth Jones, from South London, said: "I think Philip is magnificent.

"He's like a mighty warrior, carrying his proud spear which he will use to hunt antelope and shag me."  

Roy Hobbs, from Bristol, added: "From what I understand there has to be a limit on the number of black people they can have dancing in the same room, otherwise they have to get David Attenborough to present it."

Meanwhile M People singer Heather Small survived after bewitching an unsuspecting white male with her dark magic.

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Running Stupid

RUNNING for any distance greater than five metres is stupid, it was confirmed last night.

As more than 2500 people in shorts and a vest had to be rescued from a mountain in the middle of a storm, experts warned that running had never been more pointless.

Dr Tom Logan, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Thousands of years ago our ancestors had no choice but to run after cows or away from dinosaurs.

"But now we have mopeds and hatchbacks. Neither of which involve stupid, overpriced shoes and thinking you're better than me.

"But you just have to put on your Lycra and your wraparound sunglasses and do all your stretching because if you don't you could pull a muscle and then you'd have to limp around the office and tell everyone how not being able to go for a run is driving you crazy.

"Well I hope you do pull a muscle, and I hope it does drive you crazy and you end up in a huge mental hospital rubbing custard into your scalp and drinking your own piss."

Dr Logan added: "And then there's those people who meet up in a pub and go for a jog and then come back to the pub and drink orange squash and stand around stewing in their own stench.

"I really must conduct some research to find out if there is actually a more detestable collection of bastards."