THE BBC has unveiled a new drama which promises some of the most clearly-spoken action ever seen on TV.
The Enunciators, which stars properly educated actors Rupert Penry-Jones and Tom Hiddleston as police investigators without a hint of a regional accent, will follow a murder investigation where everyone explains everything to everyone else throughout.
Characters will speak directly to camera to make lip-reading easier and will announce their emotional states by writing them on large signs.
A BBC spokesman said: The Enunciators features the most unambiguously-articulated action on British television.
Set in a bucolic Kent village where everyone pronounces their words correctly and no post-Shakespearean slang is used, the show is perfect for anyone sick of mumblers, Northerners, Scots and the Irish.
Pensioners and the inattentive have welcomed the show, particularly the recaps at the beginning of each episode which are screeched at ear-splitting volume by former T4 presenter June Sarpong.
Denys Finch-Hatton, of Tewkesbury, said: The problem isnt that I set an arbitrary volume level on my TV which I refuse, as a point of principle, to go past.
The problem is that these regional actors havent bothered learning their lines and think they can get away with it by talking into their chests.
And you cant get subtitles now theres no Ceefax. Pressing 888 just changes the channel to Psychic Today.