Book with biggest impact on man's life is microwave user manual

A MAN has confirmed that the book which changed his life forever is the user manual for his microwave oven.

Martin Bishop, 31, said: “That part about the defrosting option? Oh my god. Changed everyhting. I couldn’t recommend it more. The pictures are really nice, too.

“It just came into my life at the right moment. I had just lost my job, I had broken up with my girlfriend and I needed some direction in my life.”

“I just found it by chance in a drawer in the kitchen and decided to take a look at it. It’s an acquired taste, for sure, but it really changed me for the better.”

He added: “I now feel more independent, more confident, and just more relaxed in my day-to-day life. I just wish I had read it when I was younger.”

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Woman who hates kids pretending she won't have any for environmental reasons

A 29-YEAR-OLD woman who loathes children insists she is not going to have any purely to protect the environment.

Emma Bradford, who feels like throwing up at the mere sight of a drooling child, said: “I just feel like I’ll be okay by making the sacrifice if it’s for our planet.

“It’s overpopulated and we’re using up all our resources. It’s just plain irresponsible to bring a little f*cking shi- I mean to bring a cute little baby into this world.”

Bradford, who could not care less about the environment, added: “I prefer to, like, recycle and stuff, you know?

“I wouldn’t have time to waste – I mean time to invest in a child, anyway. There’s so many trees to plant and nature documentaries to watch. I just want to do my bit.”