Channel 4 sex programmes are great, claims dark creature that lives inside the soul of man

THE eternal blackness that festers in the soul of mankind has declared that Channel 4’s ‘sex shows’ are great.

The unspeakable darkness said that the shows were both entertaining and informative and a lot better than the boring documentaries that Channel 4 used to show.

The creature said: “I’ve always wondered how a date would go if the person got to see five naked people first, and they all had truly dreadful singing and acting careers to promote.”

And Sex Box, what’s not to like about Sex Box? That Steve Jones really knows how to tell a joke and even more so, he really knows how to handle the awkward silence that follows it.”

A spokesperson for Channel 4 said, “We’re glad that so many dark entities like our news shows. We’re also going to be doing Come Dog with Me, where four perverts take turns to host each other at their local dogging spots.”

Then we’ve got Naked Coach Trip, where a group of naked people go on a coach trip and have sex. It’s a bold social experiment.

“Finally there’s something called Sex Chimney, not sure what that is yet but we just liked the name.”

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Ask Holly: I'm suffering with a terrible sense of deja vu

Dear Holly,

I’m suffering with a terrible sense of deja vu. Any idea why?

Mary Berry

A big tent

Dear Mary,

I’ve got a French pen pal called Valerie. We write to each other often and discuss many things, which mostly involves providing directions to local services and asking for roadside assistance. Unfortunately I’ve had to stop writing to Valerie recently because she now despises all English people since Brexit, and I lack the vocabulary to condemn her government’s stance on swimwear.

Hope that helps,