Cheerful new Sarah Lancashire drama is antidote to Brexit dark times

A NEW and typically upbeat Sarah Lancashire drama, The Accident, will put a smile back on the face of angst-ridden Britain, TV bosses have promised.

The show is in the Sarah Lancashire tradition of jolly, escapist capers such as Happy Valley, a light-hearted romp about suicide, heroin addiction and abduction, and Kiri, involving broken relationships, violent ex-convicts and strangulation. 

As a fatal explosion in a neglected Welsh community leads to grim repercussions, Channel 4 hopes The Accident will be just the cheery respite Britons need with Brexit hanging over them.

TV executive Martin Bishop said: “During World War 2, Arthur Askey lifted the nation’s morale with his catchphrases. During the miners’ strikes of the 70s, Mike Yarwood consoled us with his impersonations of Frank Spencer.

“Today we look to Sarah Lancashire and her wacky, madcap dramas involving bereavement, trauma and unremitting misery in the regions to give us the feel-good boost we could all do with.”

Sarah Lancashire fan Emma Bradford said: “Yay, more Sarah! Bleakness. Murder. Probably a lake with bodies or dark secrets in it. Brexit? I’ve forgotten about it already.”

Playground bully now runs mindfulness courses

A MAN who stole your lunch money in year four by threatening to beat you up now teaches businesses how to be more mindful.

Former scourge of the playground Tom Logan claims to have put his bullying days behind him and is a ‘mindfulness consultant’ for large companies who pay him huge sums of money by the hour.

Logan, now 32, apparently has no recollection of making your life hell for the duration of primary school.

He said: “I think I’d remember if I threw your satchel onto the school roof or scratched ‘bender’ on your pencil tin, but honestly, I don’t.

“You might say I’m overcompensating to atone for deep-seated guilt from my childhood, but I think you’re just jealous that my life has turned out so well.

“And if you tell anyone about my past I’ll flush your head down the toilet again.”

Company managing director Nikki Hollis said: “Tom’s thuggish background of forcing money out of people and coasting through life with minimal effort is the perfect basis for a career as a mindfulness coach.

“I’m looking forward to learning how to pretend I care about people from him.”