Thursday, 15th April 2021

Child adamant glitter spilt all over the living room carpet is not a big issue

A CHILD making a sparkly picture has hit back at accusations that spilling glitter all over the living room carpet is a big deal.

Five-year-old Oliver Bishop made a charming picture of his family, but was shocked to find that dad Martin preferred to angrily focus on glitter all over the floor, on the walls and somehow up the stairs.

Oliver said: “My friends’ parents encourage and nurture their kids. But my so-called father doesn’t appreciate my unique artistic vision. He’s a philistine and an idiot. 

“He’s just annoyed because he’ll have to get the hoover out. Not a word of thanks for me skillfully rendering his image in glitter. We’re through. He’s dead to me now.”

Martin Bishop said: “I got home and Oliver appeared to have detonated a bomb packed with glitter in the lounge. It’s on the telly, for Christ’s sake. 

“The last time this happened I was going into work with it in my hair and finding bits in my bellybutton for weeks afterwards. This is not a father-son bonding moment for us to treasure.

“Roll on the teenage years. I’m sure that will all be plain sailing.”